One day, she brought with her a whole bunch of fresh bread just to feed her daily company.

Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with JOY

Then suddenly a man in his early 40s, who was watching her from a distance, came near her and told her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.

The old lady said in crazed anger and without hesitation:

“Well, I can’t throw that far!”

He drives twenty blocks away from home and drops the cat there.

The cat is already walking up the driveway as the man approaches his house.

The next day, he decides to drop the cat forty blocks away, but the same thing happens.

He keeps on increasing the number of blocks, but the cat still manages to come home before him.

At last he decides to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again, and another right and so on until he reaches what he thinks is a perfect spot and drops the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asks her, “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes, why do you ask?” answers the wife.

Frustrated, the man says,

“Put that devil cat on the phone. I’m lost and I need directions!”

One day, Johnny asked his English Teacher,

‘Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H …….in Hour, Honour……etc…

His English Teacher said,

“We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent”…… (He was even more confused …..???)

During the lunch break, his Teacher gave him her packed lunch and asked Johnny to heat it in the Cafeteria.

Little Johnny ate all the food and returned her the empty container…..!!!!!!!

His English Teacher:

What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food. you are returning me an empty container.

The Little Johnny replied,

“Madam, I thought ‘H’ was silent. “

Dedicated to all English Teachers.

Source: http://viralgfdiy.com

If he stopped, she stopped. She even kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

He answered, “That’s okay.”

“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out ‘Goodbye, Mom’ as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.

“That comes to $1211.85,” said the clerk.

“How come so much? I only bought 5 items.”

The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.,

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear-jerker!!

Source: lovethispic

“My son, the poor lad!” sighed the mother.

“What an unfortunate marriage he had to a girl who won’t do a single job in the house. All she does is sleep and loaf and read in the bed.

The poor boy even brings her breakfast to bed, would you believe it.

“That’s really awful,” said the friend. “And what about your daughter?”

“Ah, she’s the lucky one! She married an angel. He won’t let her do anything in the house.

And every morning he brings her breakfast to bed.

All she does is sleep as long as she wants and relax for the whole day.”

Hope this joke will make you smile. Have a nice day!

My dear wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongfully interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 19 year old secretary at the comfort inn hotel.

Please don’t be upset – I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following note on the dining table…

My dear husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about me being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old.

As you know I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young virile and, like your secretary, is 19 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 19 goes into 57 more times than 57 goes into 19. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

Wife: Honey, can you plz help me cleaning the garden.

Husband: Do I look like a gardener?

Wife: Ooh sorry honey, OK then fix the bathroom door.

Husband: Do I look like a carpenter?…..

Then the husband walks out. After coming back from where he went, he found the garden cleaned and the door fixed.
Husband: I knew my wife would do this all by herself…!

Wife: No its not me.

Husband: Who then!

Wife: Our neighbor

Husband: You paid him how much?

Wife: No, he just gave me two options, bread or s3x….

Husband: I hope u gave him bread!!

Wife: Do I look like a bakery!!!!