The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head.

She looks up and asks “What are you staring at?”

“A spider,” he replies.

“I don’t see anything.”

“Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he says calmly.

The wife jumps up screaming.

The man says, “While you’re up, you mind getting me another beer?”

“But you look just like me!” The second man turned and said, “Yeah, I noticed. Where are you from?” “I’m from Brisbane,” the first man said. Surprised, the second man said, “Me too! What street do you live on?” “McCarthy Street.” The second man replied, “Me too! What number?” The first man said, “162.” The second man was shocked: “Me too! What are your parents’ names?” “Bruce and Shannon!” The second man was amazed and said, “Mine too! This is incredible!” They bought more drinks and kept talking. When the new bartender came in, he asked his colleague, “What’s new today?” The colleague replied, “Oh, not much. The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

The wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee.”

The husband replied, “I can’t believe that; show me!”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says,

“HEBREWS”

He asks his father for advice.

The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds.

He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach?”

She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.

He asks, “Do you have a brother?”

Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card.

He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following
question:

“If you had a brother, would he like spinach?”

If you got a kick out this joke please be sure to pass it along to your family and friends!

One day, the husband found a box in the attic with three bonnets and $2,500.

He asked his wife and she responded,

“Every time I got mad at you, I knitted a bonnet.”

The husband was proud that in 25 years, he had only angered his wife three times.

“OK,” he said,

“That explains the bonnets, but what about the $2,500 dollars?”

The wife smiled and said,

“That’s money from all the bonnets I sold.”

Share this story if you got a good laugh!

Help desk: Double click on “My Computer”.

An Old Lady: I can’t see your computer…

Help desk: No… click on “My Computer” on your computer.

An Old Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer???!!

Help desk: there is an icon labelled “My Computer” on your computer… double click on it…

An Old Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer??!!!

If you got a kick out of this joke please be sure to pass it along to your family and friends!

“Send me a coffee to my desk In 2 minutes”

Boss shouted: “Do you know who you are talking to?”

Elderly Man: “No”

Boss: “I am the boss of this office”

Elderly Man in the same tone: “Do you know who you are talking to?”

Boss: “No”

Elderly Man: “Thank God” and disconnected the phone

If you got a kick out this joke please be sure to pass it along to your family and friends!

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’

‘Then I shall fly on,’ answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student.

At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything.

Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

‘You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness.

Which bag do you choose?’

‘The gold.’

‘Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness because that’s more important than money.’

‘Everyone would choose what they don’t have,’ says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes “ass” on the student’s paper.

The student leaves without looking at the paper.

However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

‘Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!’

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,

“Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high.

“I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast.”

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate’, and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:

“This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use.”

“But I didn’t use them,” she said.

”Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.

“We have the best entertainers from the world performing here,” the Manager said.

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the

Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes of discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But madam, this check is for $50.00.”

“That’s correct, I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied. “But I didn’t!” exclaimed the very surprised Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

Don’t mess with Senior Citizens