Here are some delightful stories that highlight the humor and love that comes with living a long and interesting life. Good luck getting through this without laughing!

1. Grandpa Turns 100!

At Grandpa’s 100th birthday celebration, everyone marveled at how athletic and lean he looked.

“What’s your secret, Derek?” a guest asked.

“I’ll tell you,” Grandpa said, taking a forkful of cake. “I’ve been in the open air, day after day for some 75 years now.”

The crowd gasped.

“How did you keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?” someone asked.

“Well,” Grandpa began with a twinkle in his eye as he looked to Gran. “My wife and I made a pledge on our wedding night. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was wrong would go outside and take a walk!”

2. Grandpa’s Missing Teeth

Grandma and Grandpa sat in their porch rockers, watching the sunset and reminiscing about the good old days.

“Honey, do you remember when we first started dating, and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?” Grandma asked.

Grandpa smiled and took her aged hand in his.

With a wry smile, Grandma pressed further.

“Do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and kiss me on the cheek?”

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d nibble on my ear?”

Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.

Alarmed, Grandma asked, “Honey, where are you going?”

“To get my teeth!” Grandpa replied.

3. Dear Old George’s Annual Check-Up

Without fail, George went for his annual check-up every year. He prided himself on staying fit and healthy by going on walks in the neighborhood, though age had taken its toll on his eyesight.

After his check-up, George sat and chattered with his doctor, proudly telling Dr. Stephens about his latest discovery.

“Doc, I’m blessed,” he said. “God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done!”

The doctor chuckled, but a nagging curiosity led him to call George’s wife later that day.

“Maria,” he said. “Your husband’s test results are just fine. But he said something strange! He claims that God turns the lights on and off for him when he uses the bathroom at night.”

George’s wife laughed out loud.

“That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again! I thought it was the dog!”

These stories remind us that grandparents, with their decades of life, thousands of memories, and laughter to last a lifetime, are invaluable. They teach us lessons in the most unexpected ways, and their humor, often unintentional, keeps us smiling.

Whether it’s through their forgetfulness or their unique approach to life’s challenges, grandparents show us that aging gracefully includes plenty of room for laughter.

Source: amomama

The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head.

She looks up and asks “What are you staring at?”

“A spider,” he replies.

“I don’t see anything.”

“Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he says calmly.

The wife jumps up screaming.

The man says, “While you’re up, you mind getting me another beer?”

Everyone was curious and asked her: “Why the change in your interest in swimming nowadays?”

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son: – “If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?”

And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!”

A few days later husband and wife were quarreling again and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked: ” Now tell me! If your mom and I fall into water, who will you save first?”

Husband replied: “I don’t have to get into the water, my mom knows to swim, she will save you.”

Wife refused to relent: “No, you have to jump into the water, and have to save one of us”. Whom will you save ?

Husband replied: “Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know how to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”

“But you look just like me!” The second man turned and said, “Yeah, I noticed. Where are you from?” “I’m from Brisbane,” the first man said. Surprised, the second man said, “Me too! What street do you live on?” “McCarthy Street.” The second man replied, “Me too! What number?” The first man said, “162.” The second man was shocked: “Me too! What are your parents’ names?” “Bruce and Shannon!” The second man was amazed and said, “Mine too! This is incredible!” They bought more drinks and kept talking. When the new bartender came in, he asked his colleague, “What’s new today?” The colleague replied, “Oh, not much. The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

The wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee.”

The husband replied, “I can’t believe that; show me!”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says,

“HEBREWS”

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and ugly, they don’t have jobs and hate children.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short, but handsome, haev decent jobs, and hate children.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and handsome, have well paying jobs, don’t really care for children, but want to get married.”

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall, handsome, have all the money in the world, are romantic and sensual, love children, are not jealous, and will marry you on the spot.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman. Please go down on the escalator to your right.”

He asks his father for advice.

The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds.

He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach?”

She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.

He asks, “Do you have a brother?”

Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card.

He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following
question:

“If you had a brother, would he like spinach?”

If you got a kick out this joke please be sure to pass it along to your family and friends!

When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.

One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.

When the school-teacher chided them, they said:

“We went to meet the sages in dreamland.”

“What did they say?” demanded the teacher.

“We asked them if a school- teacher came there every afternoon, but they said they had seen no such person.”

Before he leaves he tells his wife, “I promise I will be home by midnight.”

Midnight comes and goes

He finally arrives home at about 3 AM.

As he walks in he realizes the cuckoo clock is about to go off.

As it begins to go off he has a flash of genius and decides to coo another 9 times.

He sneaks into bed satisfied with himself.

The next morning he wakes up and his wife has breakfast made. She doesn’t seem to be mad.

Satisfied with himself he asks her, “You sleep okay last night?”

She replies, “Yeah, but we need a new cuckoo clock.”

He asks her why and she tells him,

“Last night it cooed 3 times, then it yelled, “Crap!”

“It cooed another 6 times, f.rted, and giggled a little bit.”

“Finally it cooed 3 more times, f.rted, and tripped on the carpet.”

He called together the three most important people in his life:

• His Doctor
• His Priest
• His Lawyer

“I’ve just found out that I don’t have much time left,” he said.

“I’ve called you here because you’re the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. I’m giving each of you an envelope with $50,000 inside. When I pass away, I’d like you to throw the money into my grave.”

After the man passed on, the three met up and discussed what they had done.

The doctor said,

“I have to admit, I kept $10,000 to cover some unpaid medical bills, but I threw the remaining $40,000 into the grave as he asked.”

The priest said,

“I must confess, I kept $25,000 for the church, but I did put the other $25,000 into the grave.”

The lawyer was shocked.

“I’m surprised at you two! I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!”