We collected the phrases and statements that hurt today\u2019s adults most of\u00a0all, in\u00a0order to\u00a0figure out how much these seemingly harmless words affected their lives.\n\n

\u201cThere is\u00a0nothing that is\u00a0yours in\u00a0this house!\u201d\n\n
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Some parents are convinced that a\u00a0child doesn\u2019t have their own personality until they are able to\u00a0financially provide for themselves. This means that, before this moment, they might ignore the kid\u2019s opinion, feelings, and special needs. The toxic idea that a\u00a0person is\u00a0nobody until they start to\u00a0earn money themselves, raises a\u00a0generation of\u00a0notorious workaholics.\n
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Kids who, from their\u00a0childhood, have absorbed the thought that nothing in\u00a0their parents\u2019 home belongs to\u00a0them, and who never feel secure. Lost childhood, depression, anxiety, an\u00a0exhausting feeling of\u00a0guilt and shame, as\u00a0well as\u00a0low self-esteem\u00a0\u2014 these are just some of\u00a0the frequent\u00a0consequences\u00a0of\u00a0this kind of\u00a0upbringing.\n
A\u00a0parental attitude like this will motivate a\u00a0teenager to\u00a0want to\u00a0quickly move away from mom and dad in\u00a0order to\u00a0finally have their own little world, with at\u00a0least some kind of\u00a0stability, even if\u00a0it\u2019s a\u00a0room in\u00a0a\u00a0dorm that is\u00a0the illusion of\u00a0their \u201cown\u201d place. As\u00a0a\u00a0rule, these people work a\u00a0lot because that\u2019s the only way for them to\u00a0feel significant.\n
Me: \u201cMom, can you please knock before entering my\u00a0room? The absence of\u00a0my\u00a0own\u00a0personal space\u00a0is\u00a0one of\u00a0the reasons for my\u00a0constant anxiety.\u201d Mom: \u201cWhat do\u00a0you mean? It\u2019s my\u00a0apartment! Should I\u00a0move out in\u00a0order to\u00a0not disturb your personal space at\u00a0all!?\u201d\u00a0\u00a9\u00a0sviatayalojka\u00a0\/ Twitter
\n\u201cYou don\u2019t have anything that is yours. Even you yourself are made out of me. You haven\u2019t earned a penny, but pretend to be a person with a personality.\u201d This phrase followed me from age 5 to 18. I can\u2019t rest, I am dreadfully afraid to lose or change jobs because it might require a small break in earnings. I also have difficulties with expressing my emotions aloud. \u00a9 Kseniya Gerasimyak \/ Yandex Zen\n\n\n
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\u201cStay out of\u00a0adult conversations.\u201d\n
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For many parents, their child will always be a foolish kid and it doesn\u2019t matter how old their offspring is (5,15, or 50). It seems to them that their child is not able to have serious conversations with adults and that it is too early for them to have their own point of view on anything. These parents don\u2019t consider their children to be individuals, and their children feel it fully.\n
After many years it can echo in the fact that the grown-up kid will feel shy about expressing their opinion in the presence of adults (teachers, bosses) and will think that their thoughts are insignificant and don\u2019t deserve any attention. It will prevent the kid from unfolding their talents in their studies, as well as building a successful career.\n
My mother adored this phrase. For example, when a friend of hers was visiting us and they started to reminisce about an interesting movie that I had also watched and was willing to discuss, she would say, \u201cDon\u2019t get into the conversation of adults!\u201d Once one of her friends said, \u201cWhy are you shutting her out? Let her speak\u201d and the reply was the following, \u201cShe shouldn\u2019t interfere when adults are speaking.\u201d At that point, I was a teenager and in this phrase, I heard, \u201cDon\u2019t even try, you\u2019re silly and don\u2019t understand anything.\u201d \u00a9 Kaoma777 \/ AdMe\n
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\u201cIf\u00a0I\u00a0don\u2019t remember\u00a0it, it\u00a0means it\u00a0didn\u2019t happen.\u201d\n\n
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Today many of us know about gaslighting and understand that the denial of real events is a form of psychological violence. But in childhood, many of us heard the phrase, \u201cIt\u2019s all in your imagination! It never happened!\u201d from our parents, who didn\u2019t want to admit their mistakes.\n
As a result, children start to doubt the adequacy of their perception of reality and the usefulness of their own memory. It negatively affects their ability to trust themselves and the world because even their parents keep showing them that something is wrong with them because they remember things that in fact \u201cnever happened.\u201d\n
I was working with a client whose mother kicked her out onto the staircase in her underwear at the age of 13, saying, \u201cGet out of here, you own nothing in this house!\u201d Why? Because the girl dared to say to her, \u201cThis is my home too!\u201d The neighbors let the girl wait in their home until her mom\u2019s tantrum was over. When the daughter tried to remind her mother about this, she said, \u201cIt couldn\u2019t have happened. I wouldn\u2019t be able to look into our neighbors\u2019 eyes. You are making it all up!\u201d \u00a9 lfeey \/ Pikabu\n
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\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t offend girls.\u201d\n\n
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This might seem to be a correct piece of advice \u2014 a real man should protect the representatives of the weaker half of the planet, help them, and concede to them. Everything goes well until the moment girls start to use their privileges to take advantage of boys or misbehave. While a well-brought-up boy has to just stand there and take the teasing from his female peers.\n
Eventually, they grow into men who are simply afraid of women and they can\u2019t give a verbal rebuff even in cases where the women are crossing all the lines. That\u2019s when a guideline that was supposed to prevent violence relating to one type of people, leads to the appearance of socially-approved violence over others. Men, in this case, feel shy to even make a claim or confront it.\n
\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t offend girls!\u201d Is the freakiest and silliest phrase that has become very popular among the parents of boys. It means some bold girl can hit a boy in the head, tear his book, troll him in social media, and she won\u2019t get in trouble for it! Because she is a gi-i-i-i-i-rl! \u00a9 Evgeniya Yavuz-Ponomareva \/ Facebook\n
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\u201cYou ruin everything.\u201d\n\n
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Few people can do something well, that is completely new to them, from the first or even the second try. We require experience, skills, and habits. Making mistakes is totally normal, especially in childhood. It\u2019s not normal to transfer all the responsibility to a kid for their mistakes. After all, if parents haven\u2019t taught their offspring something, that\u2019s not the kid\u2019s fault.\n
Over time, a small child who regularly hears these words directed at them will stop trying to do anything in order to not be guilty. Moreover, a child may start to consider themselves the source of all the problems of their parents, and they might believe they are not good enough and don\u2019t deserve love or the right to live.\n
There is a vending machine in our mall where people can grab a toy with the help of a joystick. Yesterday a mother and her approximately 4-year-old son went up to it, she was moving the joystick, he was getting ready to push the button to get a toy with the help of a special catcher. When he pressed it, he failed to catch the toy and the mother started to scream, \u201cYou always spoil everything!\u201d Poor child! \u00a9 RukaLizo \/ Pikabu\n
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\u201cYou can do\u00a0better.\u201d\n\n
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There is always room for improvement but many parents think differently. From their very first steps, they give unreachable tasks to their offspring and kids have to jump through a bunch of hoops to complete them. At the same time, adults often forget to reward their kids for their achievements because it\u2019s not a reason to feel proud but just a signal that it\u2019s time to up the goals.\n
A kid who lives in the eternal race for the parental ideal doesn\u2019t know how to value themselves and enjoy the process of their work. And, of course, it will be difficult for them to avoid neurosis and stresses because there is always something ahead they have to strive for. These kids are often sick and they often procrastinate and go off track, having gotten tired of whirling in the wheel of someone else\u2019s ambitions.\n
My friend\u2019s mother would always say to her, \u201cYou could\u2019ve done better.\u201d She never praised her for the results. My friend could never feel happy about her achievements or even small victories. Because \u201cshe could do it better.\u201d Later, she somehow managed to overcome it and started to understand that if she did something well, it was true and she should feel happy about it. Whether she could do it better and whether she should do it are 2 totally different questions. \u00a9 Irmali \/ AdMe
\nAll my life I would try to do anything to deserve praise. I hardly ever heard a simple, \u201cGood job.\u201d I always saw the usual indifferent reactions or fault-findings. Eventually, I grew up into a reserved lazy bones, who hardly ever communicates with anyone because what\u2019s the point of doing something or speaking about it if no one will appreciate it? \u00a9 kaddyd \/ Pikabu\n
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\u201cYou\u2019ll manage somehow.\u201d\n\n
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This phrase has many versions: from \u201cYou\u2019ll manage somehow\u201d to \u201cYou want too much.\u201d Their meaning boils down to the fact that the child should forget about their dreams and desires \u2014 not because they are unrealizable, but rather because the parents don\u2019t consider it necessary to fulfill them.\n
Over time, kids simply stop dreaming because they understand that it will never come true. They know that instead of a long-cherished doll under the Christmas tree, they will get a sweater (usually in a bigger size, so that it lasts longer) and instead of having a snack outside, the mother will say, \u201cIs there nothing to eat at home?\u201d (even if there are no financial issues in the family). Why? \u201cBecause I decided so \u2014 that\u2019s why!\u201d\n
I was always told \u201ckeep dreaming\u201d in response to any request (not necessarily about a purchase) and \u201cit doesn\u2019t matter much, put up with it\u201d in response to my claims about some kind of discomfort. Now I am putting up with a lot of things and I have problems with personal borders. \u00a9 saasshhha \/ Twitter\n
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\u201cYou are older!\u201d\n\n
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When smaller kids appear in the family, older kids often have to grow up faster. In parents\u2019 eyes, they lose the right to be little kids, even if the difference in age is not that big. A certain responsibility is assigned to them: to become wiser and more independent. And it doesn\u2019t matter that the kids might only be 2-3 years old at that moment.\n
Early and forced growing up is not good for anyone. Yes, this kid might be more adjusted to life and they might achieve a lot, but the price for this success will be a lost childhood and subconscious anger at parents and younger siblings. It doesn\u2019t contribute to warm family relationships in any way and is often a psychological obstacle to creating their own family.\n
All my childhood I kept hearing the phrase \u201cYou are older!\u201d Afterward, I was supposed to give away my favorite book, toys, or candy, and forget about my interests to watch my younger twin sisters. The older I was becoming, the more my list grew of things I had to do. Clean the entire apartment, cook, help my siblings with their homework. At the age of 19, I moved out. Today I only keep in touch with my parents and I don\u2019t talk to them very often. The age difference between me and my younger sisters is 1 year and 10 months. \u00a9 Overheard \/ Vk\n
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\u201cYou\u2019re doing it\u00a0all wrong. I\u2019d better do\u00a0it\u00a0myself.\u201d\n\n
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No one is born with cooking skills, or knowing how to wash and iron a shirt: everything comes with experience that shapes up from trial and error. Oftentimes, it\u2019s easier for parents to do something by themselves, rather than teach their kid to do it. A parent might think that, if they stop to teach, it will take more time, the child will make mistakes, or they might even have to do everything all over again by themselves anyway.\n
While trying to protect their child from unnecessary worry, many parents forget that household chores are an important part of their child\u2019s upbringing. This work helps with the development of self-control and self-discipline (after all, it is silly to litter where you yourself will then have to clean up the floor), and both of these qualities will definitely be useful for children over the course of their lives.\n
Kids whose parents don\u2019t give them a chance to learn together from their mistakes feel household disabled later in adulthood: they feel scared to do something new and don\u2019t believe in themselves.\n
In childhood, my mom scolded me for peeling off too much skin from the potatoes and said I\u2019d better not do it at all. Or after vacuum cleaning the house, I was waiting for praise, but instead, I heard that I had missed something or that there was some dirt left in the corner. It was all finished off by her saying something like, it\u2019s better to not do anything at all, than to do it poorly. Needless to say that at the age of 17, when I started to live in a dorm, I couldn\u2019t even fry pre-cooked cutlets. The good thing is that life eventually taught me how to do these things. \u00a9 ankaka \/ Pikabu\n
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\u201cYou won\u2019t achieve anything in\u00a0life.\u201d\n\n
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Parents who don\u2019t believe in their kids affect their kids\u2019 self-esteem greatly, \u201cWho will believe in me if my parents think I am not capable of anything?\u201d If you keep imposing these thoughts on kids on a regular basis, they will learn the main point, \u201cSomething is wrong with me.\u201d In order to overcome this feeling, many people require years of serious therapy.\n
In adulthood, kids whose parents didn\u2019t believe in them oftentimes behave in the opposite way: they either give up in advance without trying to achieve anything (because they are programmed for failure) or they dedicate their whole life to proving to their parents that they were wrong.\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll achieve nothing, you have no talent at all, while Jane from the neighboring house is such a smart girl…\u201d As a result, I had a big bunch of complexes by the time I was 22 years old. I graduated from college with honors, but before that, I kept hearing, \u201cYou won\u2019t be able to even get enrolled in that college.\u201d I got enrolled in all specializations I submitted my documents to, but chose the most difficult one despite everyone\u2019s saying, \u201cYou won\u2019t be able to last there for even one year.\u201d The list goes on… \u00a9 alicep \/ Pikabu
\nMost of all, I remember my mom saying, \u201cCome on, don\u2019t even dream about that! You\u2019ll marry some locksmith and that\u2019ll do.\u201d Maybe that\u2019s the reason why I did my best, kept studying, and found the partner of my dreams. I am happy! \u00a9 Natalia Galkina (Holkina) \/ Yandex Zen\n
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\u201cThese are your own problems and it\u2019s you who has to\u00a0solve them.\u201d\n\n
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Raising a kid using the method, \u201cTrust no one, fear no one, ask for nothing\u201d has its advantages and disadvantages. On one hand, a kid should be taught to cope with difficulties by themselves \u2014 it\u2019s an important skill that will be helpful in life. But parents should also understand that due to a lack of life experience, kids simply can\u2019t (and shouldn\u2019t) have to deal with some issues by themselves.\n
If a parent doesn\u2019t give the child the proper support that they feel they can rely on in difficult times, the kid has every chance of getting into trouble. The feeling of security and trust is as necessary for children as independence is, so the main thing for adults to remember is to not go too far into this matter.\n
I was always taught to not complain and to rely only on myself. I remember saying to my mom that my arm hurt a lot. I had to go to the hospital by myself to get an exam. When my mom came home from work, she found me with a cast on my arm. \u201cMom, I told you it hurt. I have a crack in the bone of my arm.\u201d My husband has worked really hard to make me start telling him what exactly in my body hurts and how my treatment is going. That\u2019s why now that we have 3 kids, I examine them, treat them, and pay attention to any complaints. \u00a9 Guzik Lena \/ Facebook\n
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\u201cAre you reading books? Do\u00a0something useful.\u201d\n\n
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Many parents sincerely believe that a\u00a0kid should always be\u00a0doing something useful, like doing homework, doing extra-curricular activities, or\u00a0cleaning their room. Daydreaming or\u00a0reading a\u00a0book seems to\u00a0be\u00a0something to\u00a0be\u00a0ashamed\u00a0of. As\u00a0a\u00a0result, we\u00a0have a\u00a0whole bunch of\u00a0adults who simply can\u2019t relax at\u00a0all.\n\n
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\u201cWell, you\u2019re not that pretty…\u201d\n
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Parents are the first mirror a child looks into in order to understand what they are like. And if their parents keep saying to them that their hair is too thin, that their nails are not straight, or that their nose looks like a potato, that\u2019s what the kid will feel in real life. You can\u2019t expect adequate self-esteem with these statements.\n
This doesn\u2019t mean that you should lie to your kid about their unearthly beauty, but highlighting good things and outlining the advantages of their appearance could be useful for many parents. Knowing their strengths will help your child feel more confident, while persistent information about their imperfections will fill them with complexes and make them more reserved.\n
My mother would always say to me that I had terrible legs \u2014 thin, ugly, and crooked. As it turned out later, she was doing it to prevent me from wearing short skirts \u201cso as to not draw extra attention to myself.\u201d At the age of 18, I dressed like an old lady \u2014 floor-length dresses and baggy sweaters. Luckily, even this look didn\u2019t frighten off young guys, and later I was told that I am actually not ugly, but on the contrary, very beautiful. Anyway, I was never able to get rid of my complexes completely. \u00a9 Natalia Bogush \/ Facebook\n
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\u201cWe\u2019ve sacrificed our whole lives for you and you are ungrateful!\u201d\n\n
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Parents work hard to ensure that their offspring live better than they did. For some of them, a kid becomes the center of their Universe, around whom the whole world rotates. But it\u2019s not the kid\u2019s choice and they don\u2019t have to always be paying off this debt to their parents for the things they invested in them \u2014 after all, it was their choice, not their child\u2019s choice.\n
The child who is instilled with the idea that they are the meaning of someone else\u2019s existence carries on their shoulders the burden of responsibility for the well-being of the adults in their life and a sense of guilt for not always meeting their expectations. It\u2019s like they are living \u201cwith a loan\u201d instead of simply enjoying life.\n
My diagnosis is \u201cwe did everything for you, but you…\u201d I was always bought things without them actually asking me if I wanted them. Of course, all the things I got were the best. But not what I asked for. I won\u2019t be able to pay them off for all the material goods that I have and I am constantly reminded about this. I am always given a bill: your parents have done soooooo much for you but you… I, in my turn, absolutely don\u2019t have my own life \u2014 I am paying \u201cthe loan\u201d with it. \u00a9 Irmali \/ AdMe\n
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\u201cYou are a\u00a0boy\/girl after all!\u201d\n\n
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Many children are banned from certain things and behaviors due to gender stereotypes. Boys are traditionally not supposed to cry, show tenderness, or wear pink, while girls are not supposed to climb trees, play with cars, or play hockey. These restrictions prevent children from freely learning about the world around them and openly expressing their feelings.\n
What\u2019s more, these phrases cause kids to form the wrong idea about each other. Boys grow up with a feeling that their female peers are somehow worse than they are because \u201cit\u2019s shameful to behave like a girl.\u201d Girls, in their turn, feel that all boys are aggressive hooligans that they\u2019d better stay away from. This causes problems in relationships with the opposite sex for both parties.\n
\u201cYou are a girl!\u201d is the phrase that takes first place among my mom\u2019s favorite sayings. I can\u2019t shout, I can\u2019t fight, and I can\u2019t turn off a potential boyfriend she has found for me. \u00a9 Mnogolikaya \/ Yandex Zen
\nWhich phrases from your parents affected your life most of all? Have you managed to avoid negative guidelines while raising your own kids or do you often realize that you are making the same mistakes?\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We collected the phrases and statements that hurt today\u2019s adults most of\u00a0all, in\u00a0order to\u00a0figure out how much these seemingly harmless words affected their lives. \u201cThere is\u00a0nothing that is\u00a0yours in\u00a0this house!\u201d Some parents are convinced that a\u00a0child doesn\u2019t have their own personality until they are able to\u00a0financially provide for themselves. This means that, before this moment, …\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":74161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-74154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tie-life-style"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/30"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=74154"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74154\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":74162,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74154\/revisions\/74162"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/74161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=74154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=74154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=74154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}