Here at Echo Woven\u00a0we\u00a0found out which 12\u00a0phrases we\u00a0should avoid when talking to\u00a0our kids, and what things we\u00a0can say instead, according to\u00a0experts.\n\n

\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m so\u00a0proud of\u00a0you!\u201d or\u00a0\u201cGreat job!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cYou must be\u00a0so\u00a0proud of\u00a0your work!\u201d or\u00a0\u201cYou did that puzzle so\u00a0fast!\u201d\n
The first phrase seems innocent, but it\u2019s tricky. When parents praise kids for every little thing from finishing their dinner to\u00a0drawing a\u00a0picture, the praise\u00a0becomes\u00a0meaningless. Instead,\u00a0try\u00a0to\u00a0praise the specific things\u00a0related to\u00a0your kid\u2019s accomplishments and encourage them to\u00a0be\u00a0self-critical and proud of\u00a0the things they did really well.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cWait till your dad (mom) comes back home!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cPlease don\u2019t do\u00a0that again. It\u00a0makes me\u00a0feel upset because…\u201d\n
When you say the first phrase you \u201cpostpone\u201d the consequences of\u00a0your kid\u2019s wrong behavior, and chances are, by\u00a0the time the other parent comes back home, the kid will have\u00a0forgotten\u00a0what happened. What\u2019s more, you frighten your child with their dad or\u00a0mom\u00a0turning your partner into a\u00a0\u201cbad cop\u201d\u00a0and\u00a0diminish\u00a0your own authority. Try to\u00a0solve the problem yourself and explain to\u00a0the child why you are upset with their behavior.\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\n\n\n\n
\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cHow was your day?\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cWhat was the best part of\u00a0your day?\u201d\n
\u201cHow was your day?\u201d is\u00a0actually an\u00a0empty\u00a0question that implies an\u00a0answer just one or\u00a02\u00a0words long. If\u00a0you really want to\u00a0know how your child\u2019s day was,\u00a0ask\u00a0specific questions\u00a0that encourage long and detailed answers.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cNo\u00a0dessert until you finish your meal.\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cFirst, we\u00a0eat the soup, and then we\u00a0have a\u00a0dessert.\u201d\n
By\u00a0saying\u00a0the first phrase you increase the value of\u00a0the treat and\u00a0diminish the joy from the meal itself. Try\u00a0twisting\u00a0your phrase a\u00a0bit, the soup and the cake both seem tasty, but, as\u00a0we\u00a0know, they should be\u00a0eaten in\u00a0a\u00a0certain order.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cHurry up!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cLet\u2019s hurry.\u201d or\u00a0\u201cLet\u2019s see who\u2019s the first to\u00a0put on\u00a0their sneakers!\u201d\n
When you push your kid to\u00a0do\u00a0things faster you\u00a0increase\u00a0their stress\u00a0and make them fearful that they will be\u00a0late or\u00a0miss something. Try to\u00a0twist\u00a0the phrase in\u00a0such a\u00a0way that your kid feels that you are both on\u00a0the same team.\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\n\n\n\n
\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cLeave me\u00a0alone!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cWhat happened?\u201d or\u00a0\u201cPlease give me\u00a0a\u00a0minute to\u00a0finish this, and we\u2019ll talk, alright?\u201d\n
If\u00a0you\u2019re always brushing your kid off, he\u00a0or\u00a0she will soon\u00a0start\u00a0thinking\u00a0there\u2019s no\u00a0point in\u00a0asking you\u00a0for help or\u00a0advice at\u00a0all, because you\u2019re always busy. When kids don\u2019t get enough support in\u00a0their childhood, they\u00a0will\u00a0be\u00a0less likely share their\u00a0emotions\u00a0and thoughts with their parents when they get older. If\u00a0you cannot give your child all of\u00a0your attention right away, patiently\u00a0ask\u00a0them to\u00a0give you a\u00a0couple of\u00a0minutes to\u00a0finish the things you\u2019re doing.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cShame on\u00a0you!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cThe thing you did makes me\u00a0feel upset, because…\u201d\n
You child may still be\u00a0too small to\u00a0understand what shame really\u00a0is. This empty phrase doesn\u2019t give the kid any idea of\u00a0why the thing he\u00a0or\u00a0she did was wrong. What\u2019s more, a\u00a0study has\u00a0shown\u00a0that\u00a0shaming can make some kids more aggressive. Try to\u00a0explain to\u00a0your child what was wrong about their behavior and how to\u00a0avoid it\u00a0in\u00a0the future.\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\n\n\n\n
\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t cry!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cWhat happened?\u201d or\u00a0\u201cWhat made you so\u00a0upset?\u201d\n
Crying is\u00a0totally normal, even if\u00a0the reason that your child is\u00a0crying doesn\u2019t seem that important to\u00a0you. By\u00a0saying, \u201cDon\u2019t cry!\u201d you\u00a0diminish\u00a0your kid\u2019s feelings, and it\u00a0can make them feel that their emotions are not important. Instead, you can\u00a0try\u00a0to\u00a0show that you care and that you want to\u00a0help.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cThere\u2019s nothing to\u00a0be\u00a0afraid\u00a0of!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cI\u00a0see you are afraid, and I\u2019m here with you.\u201d\n
There\u2019s\u00a0no\u00a0way\u00a0that the first phrase can comfort your child if\u00a0he\u00a0or\u00a0she is\u00a0already afraid. And again, it\u00a0sends the child a\u00a0message\u00a0their feelings don\u2019t count. Instead,\u00a0empathize\u00a0with your kid\u2019s feelings and discuss the fear and its cause.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cBecause I\u00a0said\u00a0so!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s time to\u00a0turn off the\u00a0TV and start doing your homework.\u201d\n
The first phrase\u00a0doesn\u2019t\u00a0give your child any idea of\u00a0why they should stop or\u00a0start doing something you want them\u00a0to. Instead it\u00a0may make your kid feel like\u00a0they don\u2019t have any rights, and it\u2019s you who\u2019s always in\u00a0control.\u00a0Try giving simple understandable instructions and briefly explain the reasons behind your words.\n\n
\n
\n
\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cI\u00a0could do\u00a0that when\u00a0I was your age!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cLet me\u00a0teach you how to\u00a0do\u00a0it!\u201d\n
All kids\u00a0develop\u00a0differently and comparing your child with others, even if\u00a0it\u2019s you, is\u00a0not the best idea. Instead,\u00a0try to\u00a0teach your child\u00a0how to\u00a0do\u00a0something they can\u2019t do\u00a0yet.\n
Avoid:\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m disappointed in\u00a0you!\u201d\n
Try:\u00a0\u201cThe thing you did makes me\u00a0feel upset, because…\u201d\n
The phrase, \u201cI\u2019m disappointed in\u00a0you\u201d\u00a0sounds\u00a0to\u00a0a\u00a0child just the same as\u00a0\u201cYou disappoint\u00a0me,\u201d and it\u00a0can make them\u00a0feel like they don\u2019t meet your expectations.\u00a0Try\u00a0to\u00a0explain how your kid\u2019s actions really make you feel without using the words \u201cdisappointed\u201d and \u201cdisappoint.\u201d\n
Do\u00a0you have kids? Would you add the phrases to\u00a0our list that you avoid or\u00a0try to\u00a0use more often when talking to\u00a0your child?\n
Illustrated by Alena Sofronova\u00a0for\u00a0Bright Side\n\n\n\n\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here at Echo Woven\u00a0we\u00a0found out which 12\u00a0phrases we\u00a0should avoid when talking to\u00a0our kids, and what things we\u00a0can say instead, according to\u00a0experts. Avoid:\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m so\u00a0proud of\u00a0you!\u201d or\u00a0\u201cGreat job!\u201d Try:\u00a0\u201cYou must be\u00a0so\u00a0proud of\u00a0your work!\u201d or\u00a0\u201cYou did that puzzle so\u00a0fast!\u201d The first phrase seems innocent, but it\u2019s tricky. When parents praise kids for every little thing from finishing their dinner …\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":80670,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-80666","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tie-life-style"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80666","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/30"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=80666"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80666\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":80671,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80666\/revisions\/80671"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/80670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=80666"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=80666"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=80666"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}