She\u00a0wrote:\n

“My boyfriend Steve (30m) and I (28f) have been together for 2 years and have been living together for 8 months. I was cleaning our apartment when I found a note in the back of a cabinet that read:\n

‘Dear Steve\u2019s Future Girlfriend,
\nI know it\u2019s you reading this because he\u2019d never clean back here. I\u2019m putting this here because I\u2019m leaving him soon and want to warn you about him:
\n1-He will not clean;
\n2-He will not listen;
\n3-He will make everything feel like it\u2019s your fault;
\nIt\u2019s not your fault, he\u2019s just an incompetent man. I\u2019m leaving him, I suggest you do the same.
\nBest wishes, Natalia'”\n\n

\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\u00a9\u00a0prostooleh \/ Freepik\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
She\u00a0added:\n
“I read the note and brought it to show to him and hear his response. He immediately ripped it up and said not to listen to it, that she was crazy and untrustworthy. I told him that the fact that he hasn\u2019t found the note in the 5 years since they broke up is a\u00a0red flag\u00a0to me because it does mean he\u2019s never cleaned back there and that he has been cleaning less and less since I moved in.\n
He told me this is just his ex continuing to\u00a0manipulate\u00a0and ruin his life, and I was letting it work. We continued to argue along the same lines, and I eventually left to spend the night at a friend’s place.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
Steve has been a great boyfriend so far. He gets along with my family. He has given me gifts and flowers and always tells me how much he loves me. He\u2019s not wrong that the cleaning hasn\u2019t really been brought up before, but the note made me realize it had been less and less and that we needed to have a full conversation about this.”\n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\n
\n\n
\n
\n
\u00a9\u00a0freepik \/ Freepik\n
She\u00a0went on explaining:\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
“He texted me afterwards saying he\u2019s sorry that I felt like I had to leave, but that it\u2019s a wrong move for me to take a note over our 2-year relationship and to leave him and our pets alone. I don\u2019t know what to do or what to believe right now. I\u2019m contemplating trying to find and reach out to Natalia.\n
Steve thinks I should come back home and let it go, that his past should not affect our future. He makes it sound like his ex was manipulative and petty throughout their relationship, but I don\u2019t know what to trust.\n
When we moved in together 8 months ago, the cleaning was 50\/50. Since then, he\u2019s been doing things less and less. I have to remind him to do things like to bring his plates to the sink or take out the trash, and I didn\u2019t have to before. The dishes will pile up unless I do them, to the point he\u2019s had leftover food mold on the plates.”\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\u00a9 DC Studio \/ Freepik\n\n
\n
She\u00a0continued:\n
“I\u2019m not a confrontational person, so I was just asking him to fix it when it came up. The note made me reflect on it more and try to have an actual full conversation, and I will say I didn\u2019t feel listened to when I talked to him about it.\n
I tried to use the note to start a conversation about cleaning, and he got so stuck on the fact that I was listening to his ex instead of him, that he wouldn\u2019t listen to what I think are valid concerns. He thinks I\u2019m letting the note have \u201cconfirmation bias\u201d so no matter what he says I\u2019ll think he\u2019s in the wrong.\n
Also, I didn\u2019t leave him permanently, this all happened yesterday and I only spent one night at a friend’s because I didn\u2019t feel like our conversation was going anywhere last night, and he wouldn\u2019t let me sleep until I let it go. I\u2019m going back today and wanted to get advice and feedback before I do.”\n\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\u00a9\u00a0senivpetro \/ Freepik\n
\n
\n\n\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
Other Redditors weighed in, offering their own insights and advice to her.\n\n
\n
\n
It\u2019s almost ironic how easy it would have been for him to shut this entire thing down with the simplest of responses: ‘Hmm, you\u2019re right, I\u2019ll make sure to clean more.’ That would have immediately countered points 2 and 3.
\nBut he\u2019d rather be right, and he\u2019d rather play the aggrieved party. You didn\u2019t do anything wrong by trying to have a conversation off the back of that note. His reaction should tell you everything.\u00a0\u00a9 Mobius_Stripping \/ Reddit\n
\u201cDon\u2019t expect to change a man unless he\u2019s in diapers.\u201d This behavior will continue on, he\u2019s gotten away with it before up to a certain point. He wants someone to pick up after him like his mommy.
\nAny time a guy says, \u201cMy ex is\/was crazy,\u201d is a MASSIVE red flag right there. It\u2019s something guys have been saying since the dawn of time to belittle their former partners. He\u2019ll say the same thing about you to his next girlfriend. You have to ask yourself, \u201cWas she crazy, or did he drive her crazy with his behavior and laziness?\u201dI\u2019d leave your own note when you do finally dump him. And reach out to his ex, see what she has to say.\u00a0\u00a9 Equal-Brilliant2640 \/ Reddit\n
It sounds like everything she warned you about in the note came true. He had never cleaned there, he didn’t listen to your concerns, and he turned it back around on you and somehow made it your fault. Red flag honestly.\u00a0\u00a9 gem1n-eye \/ Reddit\n\n\n
\n
\n
\n\n\n
\n
\n
$\"\"$ \n
\n
\u00a9\u00a0freepik \/ Freepik\n
\n
\n
\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
\n
It seems like Natalia was spot on with her note. The fact his only defense was \u201cshe\u2019s crazy\u201d tells me that, if you break up with him over his behavior, he\u2019ll be telling his next girlfriend that\u00a0you\u00a0are \u201ccrazy, manipulative, and petty\u201d. If you do decide to leave him, write your own note for his next girlfriend and make sure to add: \u201c4-He will tell you all his exes were crazy and will add you to that list when you leave him.\u201d\u00a0\u00a9 Princess-Pancake-97 \/ Reddit\n
Well, he\u2019s not cleaning, he\u2019s not listening to you, and he\u2019s making it out to be your fault \u201cfor trusting a note over him.\u201d So, it seems the ex’s assessment might be accurate. It doesn\u2019t look like he\u2019s open to discussing his poor housekeeping, and personally, I don\u2019t think you\u2019ll be able to address it now without the note coming up.
\nUltimately, it\u2019s up to you to decide whether this is something you can tolerate. It seems he hasn\u2019t learned anything from his last relationship.\u00a0\u00a9 VonBoo \/ Reddit\n\n
When trust is\u00a0broken between couples, it\u00a0triggers a\u00a0wave of\u00a0emotional and psychological distress, such as\u00a0uncertainty and deep confusion. In\u00a0a\u00a0different scenario, a\u00a0married man accidentally discovered his wife\u2019s secret Google account, which turned his life upside down.\u00a0You can read his story here.\n
Preview photo credit\u00a0ThrowRA-ex-note \/ Reddit\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
She\u00a0wrote: “My boyfriend Steve (30m) and I (28f) have been together for 2 years and have been living together for 8 months. I was cleaning our apartment when I found a note in the back of a cabinet that read: ‘Dear Steve\u2019s Future Girlfriend, I know it\u2019s you reading this because he\u2019d never clean back …\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":80898,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[642],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-80896","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-moral-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80896","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/30"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=80896"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80896\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":80899,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80896\/revisions\/80899"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/80898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=80896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=80896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/echowoven.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=80896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}